Longing for home

aku gelisah…

begitu banyak hal yang menumpuk di benakku sampai sampai membuat aku merasa ‘penuh’.. ‘Overload’ mungkin kata yang lebih pas. aku sulit bernafas lega, selalu mengerutkan dahi dan sering sekali menarik nafas panjang…

It started yesterday…
Normally, this situation only happens when I don’t have enough money in my account for the rest of the month, or when I really want something but I can’t afford it yet, or when I have doubts over my boyfriend or our future.
but those are not the things that’s occupying my mind now..

I feel squeezed..
That’s a funny word but it shows exactly how I feel right now..
I use to feel save at the office, it use to be my hideaways from the ‘real life’, by ‘real life’ I mean my family and my relationship problems.. but now I don’t feel secure anymore..
This office’s management seems to be worsen by time.. the managers were just a bunch of snob idiots with overloaded pride. they do everything the like just because they can do it, with no objective reasons. I hate them.
Even my own supervisor is more stupid than the rest of the managers here.
The only thing he can do is telling people what to do, squeeze them till their last breath to do things that are his job, and then take the credit in front of the big boss. What an ASSHOLE FUCK!!

Lately I’ve been thinking of quitting and going back to my hometown where I can handle the family business and stay in my own place. my family has been tore apart for ages and I feel, and this is an unusual feeling, that now might be the time for a change. I feel so happy to know that there might be possibilities that we can be like we were before, a big happy family.. Wishing so hard for that..
I can say now, that I finally feel like I wanna go home. wanna be close with my mom, my dad, my brothers, my sisters in law and my nieces and nephew.

I miss you all dearly..

The Prince & The Princess.. "Tie the Knot"

Ummmhh..

Reading about the title, makes me sigh... well, i'm facing my own wedding.. maybe -if everything goes right- it will be next year.. (Aaammiiieeennn...)

We want to have it in Surabaya 'cos most of my friends live there (sounds selfish, huh? but my future groom also wants it, so...) and we're planning to go site hunting when we're in Surabaya, also to calculate the budget.. (since we want to pay for our own wedding, save the problems for our parents.. heheheh.. anak berbakti bukan? :p)

Therefore, lately i've been searching for wedding blogs.. (aku lebih nyaman blajar dari somebody else's experience daripada wedding magazine etc etc ituh) dan ternyataaa.. banyak banget blog yang mengulakulik detail wedding penulisnya (sumpah! sampe lengkap banget segala detailnya). Eh, ternyata yang ada aku malah drooooopppp...

All this time, i thought we're going alrite.. i mean, if we're about to get married next year, then we will have enough time preparing.. TAPIIIII... Hiks!! Kayaknya ga cukup deh waktunya.. apalagi setelah printilan (every small details) itu tampak di depan mata..

Hmmm...

Foto2 pre wedding...
Mulai proses Lamaran, nyiapin seserahan... make up & Kostum..
Pengajian...
Siraman, pengisi acara.. konsumsi.. souvenir.. make up & Kostum..
Widodaren, souvenir.. konsumsi.. make up & Kostum (again!)
Akad Nikah, surat2 ijin nikah, gedung, konsumsi, souvenir, dan pastinya make up & kostum..
trus..
Resepsi.. gedung, kendaraan, food & beverages, entertainment, souvenir, make up, kostum (mine, the groom and the whole family).. blum lagi akomodasi for the groom family..


WADAAAAWWWW... banyak amaaaaaaaaaatttt... aku sampe freak out pas mikirin detail2 itu.. pengen nangiiiisss.. hiks hiks hiks... ternyata oh ternyata.. getting married is a whole new world for me.. hiks! heLp..

The cherry on my cookie is, i'm the only daughter in the family, and my future husband is the only son in his family.. Everyone in my family is waiting for this wedding, so is in his family. This wedding was hoped to be Superb.. O My GosH!
*bitingnailsmode:ON*

PS: i got my first credit card today! Yippie..
i know it doesn't have anything to do with the tittle above, but i'm happy and i want to share, so what... gyahahahaha...

Blog : The New Novel..???

Bhohohoho.. aku lagi ada hobi baru neh, baca blog orang, wakakakakkaka…
awal mulanya gini, seperti biasa lah, dikantor gada kerjaan (secara gw makan gaji buta mulu dah 2 bulan ini) gw mulai searching gitu di internet..

Kmaren sih pengennya nyari lagi blog nya Domi-si-model-beken-itu,.. dulu gw pernah nemu blog dia gara2 searching kebaya anne avantie (nah, lo.. kagak nyambung kan? searching kebaya, malah nemu blog, wakakakakakkakakk…), trus kmaren gw nyari lagi dengan cara yang sama, eh, malah dah ga ada.. wis ilang… malah akhirnya nemu blog yang laen2.. jadilah gw kmaren baca2 itu blog..

Ada satu blog neh yang lucu banget.. www.mautauajadehlo.blogspot.com.. dari awal baca, neh orang kocak banget.. gw suka banget ama gaya bahasa dia, lucu.. kadang gw cengar cengir ktawa ktiwi sendiri gitu baca postingan dia.. lucu, hohohohoho…

Jadinya tadi pagi gw buka lagi tuh blog dia, baca lagi postingan dia, buka link dia juga (wkakakakakkaka… I feel like a pervert, euuyyy.. kagak ah, masih normal kok). liat blog keluarga besar dia yang laen.. serasa baca novel, hahahhaahha.. novel nya Olga dan Sepatu Roda, wakakkakakak, syeettt jadul banggeeddszz…

Tapi seru aja sih liat (I mean baca) hidup remaja ibukota (secara dia lebih muda dari gw kayaknya), aktivitas dia, cara dia nyeritain, apalagi di mo merried (eh, kayaknya udah married deh skarang) hahahaha.. bras abaca novel banget dah pokoknya..
mstinya dia jadi penulis aja kali ya, jangan jadi dokter (oia, dia kuliah di kedokteran juga.. busyet, kok gw tau banyak gini yah? =P )

Gw mau baca blog2 yang laen ahhh….


PS:
blog wajib baca versi mella,
blognya janne, www.heyjanne.wordpress.com
blognya utte, www.uttemirani.blogspot.com
blog rieka*, www.mautauajadehlo.blogspot.com

* =nama yang punya blog..

btw gw balik kerja dulu ya.. tumben neh si Rob pagi2 dah nangkring di kantor. Meskipun ga ada kabar dari Erik ato sonia tetep aja gw disuruh ngapain gitu.. hahahah.. haaayyyaaahhh, ya iya lah meL, masa mo makan gaji buta mulu??!! nyari composite woods dulu ya boww...

duh, mana Erik hari minggu dah balik dari Holland pula! yaaaiiikkzz.. Ugh!

Perfection

I kinda a bit tired of my present life.


Bukan soal orang lain sih, it’s more about me and things that I do and always do. Knapa ya aku sering banget ngecewain orang? Apalagi orang yang kusayang. Aku ga ada maksud buat ngecewain mereka. I’m just being myself, dan ternyata itu bikin mereka kecewa. There’re times when I want to be everything that they want. I want to be perfect for them. Even becoming more than they could expect of me. But then, sometimes I got tired and I want to slow down for a bit and do some evil to equalize my goods. This is when they finally got disappointed of me. Maybe they said they’re just a bit disappointed of me, but still, I disappoint them. This kinda feeling will make me got my badmood the whole day. Ummm…. I’m tired. Am I allowed to get tired, or should I be perfect all the time?

Serba Salah..

Knapa aku dan utte jadi begini ya??


Aku suka bingung deh ama hubungan pertemananku with my bitches.. Apalagi ama utte.
kapan itu doddy pernah bilang, “Knapa sih kmu takut banget ama utte? Kalo aku yang ngomong, kmu bisa bales ngomong balik. tapi kalo ama utte, kyaknya semua yang dia omongin, kmu langsung bilang iya.. kesannya takut banget ama dia”. Frankly, lately aku mulai males ngomong ama utte. She’s so judgmental!! Aku belum selese cerita, dia langsung respond dan mostly ngetawain aku. I feel so stupid kalo dia udah gitu. It feels like, whatever the situation is, I’m always the one to blame. It’s always my mistake.. and I’m so fuckin’ tired of that. Aku emang selalu salah kalo ngomong ama dia. I used to think that she’s a wise person, well, at least wiser than me.

I don’t think that way anymore..

Aku udah bosen denger komentar negative dia ke aku.. Semua yang aku omongin selalu salah. hanya dia yang lebih bener dari yang laen dan semua harus berjalan sesuai ama pemikiran dia. She’s the only super woman, etc etc… capek ah.. bosen dengernya..

Well, listen to me.. I am too!

Dia complain soal semua tingkah laku temennya.. kanan kiri..tapi kalo dia sendiri yang salah, what the hell with everything. tau ah.. Bosen gw..
Aku rasa, I’m a lot wiser than before.. and there’s nothing wrong with me.
Aku ga suka diperlakukan kayak gini. and I won’t keep silent anymore. I’ve had enough.. I’m not gonna tell her anything no more. I used to feel comfortable telling her everything.. but now, all of it just feel like past tense.

Past. Tense.