marriage…
DAMN! I never thought that word would freak me out big time like this..
days before, I was willingly to get married anytime..
but now, when I can actually do that… (since I’ve found the one person I can really see my future with..) I freaked out big time…
I mean, we already live like we’re married.. but still, we have to make plans to make it all legitimate. in front of our family and religion, and also law.
but then that question popped up.. not from me actually, but from my dear bitches…
“why do you want to get married?”
and I go speechless….
it turned out I want to get married for all the wrong reasons, my bitches said.
they said, you cannot get married only for sentimental reasons, but also for rational reasons…
all I know right now, I’ve found the one person that I can be comfortable with, one person that I love and can’t wait to meet every single day. the one person who loves me for all I am.. the one person who I can share my every thoughts with.. one person who shares the same dream as me, and definitely one person that is kind hearted, responsible, intelligent, and gentleman enough for me.
are those enough reasons for one person to get married?
why am I freaking out right now?
June 26, 2008
June 20, 2008
my bunnyGizer...
Terbangkan aku lagi ke langit malam yang penuh dengan bintang seperti saat kau berkata bahwa aku adalah milikmu
Hanyutkan aku lagi pada air sungai yang jernih seperti kau menghanyutkanku saat kau tunjukkan kejernihan hatimu
Hangatkan aku lagi pada hujan deras yang tak kunjung reda seperti saat kau hangatkan duniaku hanya dengan mendengarmu tertawa
Hujani aku lagi dengan warna-warni pelangi seperti saat kau menghujaniku dengan pelukmu
aku cinta kamu.
Hanyutkan aku lagi pada air sungai yang jernih seperti kau menghanyutkanku saat kau tunjukkan kejernihan hatimu
Hangatkan aku lagi pada hujan deras yang tak kunjung reda seperti saat kau hangatkan duniaku hanya dengan mendengarmu tertawa
Hujani aku lagi dengan warna-warni pelangi seperti saat kau menghujaniku dengan pelukmu
aku cinta kamu.
Diary of a Runaway Angel (Funf)
...Can i trust you??...
that's one of many questions that's been occupying my mind lately..
i just need some prove..
i don't need your sweet talk, and i definately don't want you to ignore me..
i need your attention.. to prove all your sweet talks to me..
don't be like any other guy i've been with..
earlier this year, i wished for a new life..
a happy life.. filled with love..
i want it to be true.
Originally written on February 19, 2008
that's one of many questions that's been occupying my mind lately..
i just need some prove..
i don't need your sweet talk, and i definately don't want you to ignore me..
i need your attention.. to prove all your sweet talks to me..
don't be like any other guy i've been with..
earlier this year, i wished for a new life..
a happy life.. filled with love..
i want it to be true.
Originally written on February 19, 2008
Diary of a Runaway Angel (Part Vier)
..L.D.R..
ada seseorang yang sedang menghisi hatiku saat ini.. memenuhi hembusan nafasku dengan cinta.. menghiasi wajahku dengan senyuman.. memenuhi mimpi malam malamku dengan keindahan...
aku sayang dia. aku mulai mencintainya.. dengan seluruh hatiku, aku persembahkan untuknya..
namun begitu,
aku tak memungkiri...
masih ada sedikit rasa di hati, yang membuatku untuk mempertanyakan ini semua.. meskipun aku tak ingin melakukannya.. aku waspada.. ada ketakutan disana..
tapi aku tak mau merasakan itu semua..
"what's meant to be, meant to be" someone says.. and i believe that..
so, that's all i'm gonna do..
believe in my love, believe in my heart, believe in him..
i love him..
i trust him..
that's all that matters..
Originally written on February 08, 2008
ada seseorang yang sedang menghisi hatiku saat ini.. memenuhi hembusan nafasku dengan cinta.. menghiasi wajahku dengan senyuman.. memenuhi mimpi malam malamku dengan keindahan...
aku sayang dia. aku mulai mencintainya.. dengan seluruh hatiku, aku persembahkan untuknya..
namun begitu,
aku tak memungkiri...
masih ada sedikit rasa di hati, yang membuatku untuk mempertanyakan ini semua.. meskipun aku tak ingin melakukannya.. aku waspada.. ada ketakutan disana..
tapi aku tak mau merasakan itu semua..
"what's meant to be, meant to be" someone says.. and i believe that..
so, that's all i'm gonna do..
believe in my love, believe in my heart, believe in him..
i love him..
i trust him..
that's all that matters..
Originally written on February 08, 2008
Diary of a Runaway Angel ( keTIGA)
MylifeissoFUCKINGFULLOFSHIT!
Gosh, there are soooooooooo many things happened in the past few weeks.. Another name takes part in my life, David Michael Fawcett, he made me smile.. a lot. I’m really glad that I met him, really glad that I allowed him to be in my life.. Though some stupidity that I did kinda screw things out, but still, I’m grateful for everything that had happened then.
Thank God one thing in my life is going right, cos the others really suck. My job, my personal life, my whole life is a total fucking mess. It’s as if I don’t have any control in my life again. I don’t get to decide what I wanna do with my own fucking life. I ran away from my home town to get freedom, but yet, I got tied up again. I didn’t even realize it ‘till it’s too late. It’s making me crazy.. well, I think I’ve gone mad already because of this shit. Anyhow.. hopefully, things will get better and better, cos wishing is all that I can do now. So help me God.
Originally written on December 12, 2007
Gosh, there are soooooooooo many things happened in the past few weeks.. Another name takes part in my life, David Michael Fawcett, he made me smile.. a lot. I’m really glad that I met him, really glad that I allowed him to be in my life.. Though some stupidity that I did kinda screw things out, but still, I’m grateful for everything that had happened then.
Thank God one thing in my life is going right, cos the others really suck. My job, my personal life, my whole life is a total fucking mess. It’s as if I don’t have any control in my life again. I don’t get to decide what I wanna do with my own fucking life. I ran away from my home town to get freedom, but yet, I got tied up again. I didn’t even realize it ‘till it’s too late. It’s making me crazy.. well, I think I’ve gone mad already because of this shit. Anyhow.. hopefully, things will get better and better, cos wishing is all that I can do now. So help me God.
Originally written on December 12, 2007
Diary of a Runaway Angel (Part Zwei)
Seseorang pernah berkata pada saya bahwa saya adalah orang yang tidak perduli terhadap orang lain. Saya hanya mementingkan diri seaya sendiri dan hanya mencari keselamatan saya sendiri. Saya tidak jahat, tetapi saya hanya mau mencari amannya saja. Saya tidak mau susah meskipun orang lain akan susah karena saya. Peristiwa itu membuat saya berfikir, apakah benar saya seperti itu? Apakah benar saya seburuk itu? Semakin lama saya berfikir, semakin saya menyadari bahwa kata-kata itu sama saja dengan mengatakan bahwa saya adalah orang yang egois.
Selama 25 tahun saya hidup di dunia ini, hampir semua teman2 saya mengatakan saya adalah sosok yang egois. Meskipun dengan berjalannya waktu pendapat itu mulai berubah, mulai banyak teman2 saya yang mengatakan bahwa saya tidak se-egois dahulu. Akan tetapi, kenapa saya dengar pendapat ini lagi? Apakah saya sudah berbesar hati sehingga tidak mawas diri lagi? Mungkinkah seseorang itu berubah dari sifat aslinya? Is there such thing as to be a better person? Atau kita sebenarnya hanya mampu menjadi diri kita sendiri saja?
Masih banyak lagi perkataan teman saya yang membuat saya berfikir bahwa masih banyak sekali sifat buruk dalam diri saya. Dia juga mengatakan bahwa saya tidak pernah merasa cukup. Saya selalu meminta dan meminta. Tidak hanya kepada Tuhan, tapi juga kepada Orangtua, Sahabat, Kekasih, dan teman. Hampir semuanya, seolah olah saya tidak mengerti kapan waktunya untuk berhenti. Perkataan itu menusuk perasaan saya, namun dengan malu hati, saya merasa bahwa itu semua ada benarnya.
Adakalanya saya memang bertindak keterlaluan dan terkadang, bahkan saya sendiri-pun merasa bahwa saya serakah. Terkadang saya melakukan hal itu semata mata untuk melihat kesetiaan mereka kepada saya, seberapa besar mereka rela berkorban untuk saya. Tapi saya salah. Saya salah mengartikan nilai ini. Tak semestinya saya menilai semua itu dari berapa banyak uang yang mereka keluarkan atau pun berapa sering mereka memberi saya barang yang maha. Semestinya saya menghargai tulusnya hati mereka dalam memberikan hadiah pada saya. Tak bisa saya pungkiri, hal duniawi masih membuat saya tergiur. Saya juga manusia.
Apakah sifat saya begitu buruk? Apakah hati saya begitu busuk? Apakah saya orang terkutuk?
Originally written on September 25, 2007
Selama 25 tahun saya hidup di dunia ini, hampir semua teman2 saya mengatakan saya adalah sosok yang egois. Meskipun dengan berjalannya waktu pendapat itu mulai berubah, mulai banyak teman2 saya yang mengatakan bahwa saya tidak se-egois dahulu. Akan tetapi, kenapa saya dengar pendapat ini lagi? Apakah saya sudah berbesar hati sehingga tidak mawas diri lagi? Mungkinkah seseorang itu berubah dari sifat aslinya? Is there such thing as to be a better person? Atau kita sebenarnya hanya mampu menjadi diri kita sendiri saja?
Masih banyak lagi perkataan teman saya yang membuat saya berfikir bahwa masih banyak sekali sifat buruk dalam diri saya. Dia juga mengatakan bahwa saya tidak pernah merasa cukup. Saya selalu meminta dan meminta. Tidak hanya kepada Tuhan, tapi juga kepada Orangtua, Sahabat, Kekasih, dan teman. Hampir semuanya, seolah olah saya tidak mengerti kapan waktunya untuk berhenti. Perkataan itu menusuk perasaan saya, namun dengan malu hati, saya merasa bahwa itu semua ada benarnya.
Adakalanya saya memang bertindak keterlaluan dan terkadang, bahkan saya sendiri-pun merasa bahwa saya serakah. Terkadang saya melakukan hal itu semata mata untuk melihat kesetiaan mereka kepada saya, seberapa besar mereka rela berkorban untuk saya. Tapi saya salah. Saya salah mengartikan nilai ini. Tak semestinya saya menilai semua itu dari berapa banyak uang yang mereka keluarkan atau pun berapa sering mereka memberi saya barang yang maha. Semestinya saya menghargai tulusnya hati mereka dalam memberikan hadiah pada saya. Tak bisa saya pungkiri, hal duniawi masih membuat saya tergiur. Saya juga manusia.
Apakah sifat saya begitu buruk? Apakah hati saya begitu busuk? Apakah saya orang terkutuk?
Originally written on September 25, 2007
Diary of a Runaway Angel (Part Eins)
Falling Apart...
“What frightened you the most? “ I used to think that being unsuccessful is my biggest fear in life.. Now, I have a change of mind. The one thing I fear the most is being lonely.
This is the situation I’m about to face in the near future. Most of my friends have left me here alone. With Ramadhan coming really soon, the void inside me just got bigger and bigger. I feel totally alone. Without family nor friends. Sepi banget hidupku. Ga punya temen buat share lagi.. ternyata, it is so scary to face life alone.
Originally written on September 25, 2007
“What frightened you the most? “ I used to think that being unsuccessful is my biggest fear in life.. Now, I have a change of mind. The one thing I fear the most is being lonely.
This is the situation I’m about to face in the near future. Most of my friends have left me here alone. With Ramadhan coming really soon, the void inside me just got bigger and bigger. I feel totally alone. Without family nor friends. Sepi banget hidupku. Ga punya temen buat share lagi.. ternyata, it is so scary to face life alone.
Originally written on September 25, 2007
Diary of a Runaway-no longer-Spoiled Princess (intermezzo)
brahmana.
Dia lucu..
Ganteng.. banget..
Baik (Pada awalnya)..
tapi kok lama kelamaan jadi beda??
Jadi songong..
Jadi angkuh..
Jadi sok..
Jadi ga ramah..
lha?? kok beda ama kesan pertama ya?.. Apa sifat aslinya mulai keluar? kok kelebihannya jadi ketutup ama kekurangannya ya? kok ga menarik lagi ya jadinya? kok aku ga deg2an lagi ya liat dia? kok aku jadi sebel liat dia ya? wah wah... kok gini?
sudah selesai neh naksirnya kayaknya. tuntas.
ternyata, dia cuma numpang lewat doang di hidupku. kecut.
*sigh*
Originally written on August 13, 2007
Dia lucu..
Ganteng.. banget..
Baik (Pada awalnya)..
tapi kok lama kelamaan jadi beda??
Jadi songong..
Jadi angkuh..
Jadi sok..
Jadi ga ramah..
lha?? kok beda ama kesan pertama ya?.. Apa sifat aslinya mulai keluar? kok kelebihannya jadi ketutup ama kekurangannya ya? kok ga menarik lagi ya jadinya? kok aku ga deg2an lagi ya liat dia? kok aku jadi sebel liat dia ya? wah wah... kok gini?
sudah selesai neh naksirnya kayaknya. tuntas.
ternyata, dia cuma numpang lewat doang di hidupku. kecut.
*sigh*
Originally written on August 13, 2007
Diary of a Runaway-no longer-Spoiled Princess (partZWOLF)
soundrenalin rocks!!
waaaahhhh... seru banget deh nonton soundrenalin bali kemaren.. meskipun jauh banget mesti ke GWK tapi worth it beneran! even i only stayed there for a couple hours but the experience will remain a lifetime! i got the crew tag that allowed me to hang out in the backstage with all the artist! it was really fun.. bahkan Aming sempet nyubit pipiku pas pertama kali ketemu.. gemes kali ya ama pipi tembemku, hihihihi... seru deh! meskipun ga foto2an ama mereka (malu euy, ntar dikira kampungan lagi, jadinya ya aku sok cuek gitu, padahal pengen banget foto2an bareng, hehehehe) tapi seneng aja bisa nongkrong di tenda yang sama ama mereka dan ketawa ketawa bareng ama mereka. Aming ama Tora. Gila, Tora emang ganteng banget, hehehehe.. tapi kok 'ganjen' gitu ya? liat liat mulu.. (dalam hati seh seneng juga diliatin Tora Sudiro, hahahaha.. najis!) seru banget deh kemaren.. ga bisa nggambarin perasaan.. andai aja aku bisa stay lebih lama disana... seandainya aja ada temen2ku juga disana.. gosh, aku jadi kangen masa2 awal kuliah yang kita biasanya dateng ke konser konser (ke stadion tambaksari pun dijabanin!) dan joget joget sambil lompat lompat gila gilaan disono bareng ama temen temen.. cen.. kangen banget deh ama kamu.. pengen neh nonton konser lagi kayak dulu...
hhhmmmm... i wish God give me a chance to repeat all those happy memory just once more.. i'd be so happy!!
*wide smile*
Originally written on August 13, 2007
waaaahhhh... seru banget deh nonton soundrenalin bali kemaren.. meskipun jauh banget mesti ke GWK tapi worth it beneran! even i only stayed there for a couple hours but the experience will remain a lifetime! i got the crew tag that allowed me to hang out in the backstage with all the artist! it was really fun.. bahkan Aming sempet nyubit pipiku pas pertama kali ketemu.. gemes kali ya ama pipi tembemku, hihihihi... seru deh! meskipun ga foto2an ama mereka (malu euy, ntar dikira kampungan lagi, jadinya ya aku sok cuek gitu, padahal pengen banget foto2an bareng, hehehehe) tapi seneng aja bisa nongkrong di tenda yang sama ama mereka dan ketawa ketawa bareng ama mereka. Aming ama Tora. Gila, Tora emang ganteng banget, hehehehe.. tapi kok 'ganjen' gitu ya? liat liat mulu.. (dalam hati seh seneng juga diliatin Tora Sudiro, hahahaha.. najis!) seru banget deh kemaren.. ga bisa nggambarin perasaan.. andai aja aku bisa stay lebih lama disana... seandainya aja ada temen2ku juga disana.. gosh, aku jadi kangen masa2 awal kuliah yang kita biasanya dateng ke konser konser (ke stadion tambaksari pun dijabanin!) dan joget joget sambil lompat lompat gila gilaan disono bareng ama temen temen.. cen.. kangen banget deh ama kamu.. pengen neh nonton konser lagi kayak dulu...
hhhmmmm... i wish God give me a chance to repeat all those happy memory just once more.. i'd be so happy!!
*wide smile*
Originally written on August 13, 2007
Diary of a Runaway-no longer-Spoiled Princess (PARTeleven)
Falling in CRuSH..
Thank you God for giving me this wonderful feeling..
After more than 3 years, never thought that I’d feel this again..
To always smile whenever I think of him.
To make him the last thing in my mind before I go to bed, and
To make him the first thing in my mind whenever I wake up in the morning.
To have a huge crush on someone.
To be grateful that I’m alive.
To be grateful that I live in
Bali
.
To be grateful that I can meet him in my life.
To feel great everyday…
I know this won’t lass long but I don’t care.
I’m just happy. Truly happy.
The sight of his figure,
The sound of his voice,
The look in his eyes,
The smile on his face,
Every part of him makes me really happy..
Even the memory of him makes my heart race..
Thank you God.
*wink wink*
Originally written on August 10, 2007
Thank you God for giving me this wonderful feeling..
After more than 3 years, never thought that I’d feel this again..
To always smile whenever I think of him.
To make him the last thing in my mind before I go to bed, and
To make him the first thing in my mind whenever I wake up in the morning.
To have a huge crush on someone.
To be grateful that I’m alive.
To be grateful that I live in
Bali
.
To be grateful that I can meet him in my life.
To feel great everyday…
I know this won’t lass long but I don’t care.
I’m just happy. Truly happy.
The sight of his figure,
The sound of his voice,
The look in his eyes,
The smile on his face,
Every part of him makes me really happy..
Even the memory of him makes my heart race..
Thank you God.
*wink wink*
Originally written on August 10, 2007
Diary of Spoiled Runaway Princess [Part TEN]
Betrayal. Betrayal.
I may not know the exact definition of it but no one knows how it feels more than me. I was betrayed once when I was younger. Still filled with good deeds and knows no evil. When I was still vanilla. I can’t believe that I have to experience another one now. It really breaks my heart. How can someone, my own best friend, betrayed me when I trust her with all my life. And they said that they only did it for my own sake. There’s no such thing. Betrayal is betrayal. No matter what defense you have. I’ve trusted her to keep one of my deepest, darkest, nastiest secret and she just leaked it. Why? Am I so incapable of taking care of it for myself that they think they have to think about what’s best for me? I’m still functional. I can still think sanely. I haven’t gone crazy. Do they think that I’m mentally unstable to think? Why do they have to do it behind my back? Why? They’re my best friends. Closer to me than my own family. I can’t believe they did this. I don’t want them to play all psychological with me. I don’t want them to put those psychology crap inside my head. I know what’s true and real here. I know what they did. But I don’t know why they did this.
Originally written on July 31, 2007
I may not know the exact definition of it but no one knows how it feels more than me. I was betrayed once when I was younger. Still filled with good deeds and knows no evil. When I was still vanilla. I can’t believe that I have to experience another one now. It really breaks my heart. How can someone, my own best friend, betrayed me when I trust her with all my life. And they said that they only did it for my own sake. There’s no such thing. Betrayal is betrayal. No matter what defense you have. I’ve trusted her to keep one of my deepest, darkest, nastiest secret and she just leaked it. Why? Am I so incapable of taking care of it for myself that they think they have to think about what’s best for me? I’m still functional. I can still think sanely. I haven’t gone crazy. Do they think that I’m mentally unstable to think? Why do they have to do it behind my back? Why? They’re my best friends. Closer to me than my own family. I can’t believe they did this. I don’t want them to play all psychological with me. I don’t want them to put those psychology crap inside my head. I know what’s true and real here. I know what they did. But I don’t know why they did this.
Originally written on July 31, 2007
Diary of Spoiled Runaway Princess [Part Nine]
Semakin lama hidup menjadi semakin berat. Tak perduli dimanapun kita berada, masalah selalu saja ada. Entah itu di bumi atau di surga. Ketika kita mengira telah lepas dari satu masalah, ada masalah lain yang ternyata telah menanti. Saya tidak bingung, saya hanya merasa terhimpit saja. Sesak. Penuh. Saya tahu saya sering mengajukan banyak pertanyaan, tapi itu bukan berarti saya tidak bisa mensyukuri keadaan saya sekarang. Tidak juga berarti bahwa saya tidak puas dengan diri saya sendiri. Terkadang saya tidak tahu apa yang sedang terjadi di sekeliling saya, itu hanya karena saya tidak ambil peduli, egois, tapi tidak berarti saya bodoh. Tidak juga berarti bahwa sekeliling saya tidak saya hormati tidak berarti bagi saya. Saya hanya tidak ingin terlalu ikut campur dalam masalah orang lain. Saya tidak ingin jauh tapi saya juga berusaha untuk tidak terlalu dekat. Saya tidak ingin hubungan yang menguras emosi dan pikiran. Tapi ternyata, setelah saya menjauh pun, emosi dan pikiran saya masih terkuras.
Hidup ini misteri. Saya tahu itu. Saya hanya berharap, pada akhirnya nanti saya akan bahagia. Hanya itu saja yang saya inginkan.
Originally written on June 24, 2007
Hidup ini misteri. Saya tahu itu. Saya hanya berharap, pada akhirnya nanti saya akan bahagia. Hanya itu saja yang saya inginkan.
Originally written on June 24, 2007
Diary of Spoiled Runaway Princess (Part eight)
it's monday. i hate monday. my stomach hurts, my heart hurts, my head aches. i feel terrible. my body's sick and my mind's sick too.. i'm clueless for everything that's happening inside my body right now and also for things that're going on in my mind. too much to think, too depressed to think, to tired to think it over and over again. i'm fucked up. i'm a mess. i need a companion. a good companion. nob, te, tiek, ve, cen, nanda, lingkan, anyone, please?? i need you guys.. i miss you all so much! so god damn much!
Originally written on June 11, 2007
Originally written on June 11, 2007
Diary of a Spoiled Runaway Princess (Part VII)
responsibility sucks.
That's what happening in my life now.. responsibility really sucks. growing up sucks too.. especially when nobody appreciates it. I don't know why people can be so mean and careless by saying that you have to do something more and more when you already bleed yourself dry. you already push yourself to the limit and they don't even see it. it really is hard to keep up to everybody else's standards. i'm not them and they're not me. i am me. but i live with them, i deal with them, so i have to fulfill the image they have towards me. it's so fucking hard. almost impossible actually. why can't i be just me and people make peace with that and take me as i am? why can't i be just like that?
the situation now is, i feel like i took all the responsibilities for everything. for the situation happening in my life nowadays (which is really suck to the core), everything that happen in the fucking office, and also in the family. i already got full responsibility of my life but why do i have to be the one who's responsible for all these shits? i can never be "me" and right. i have to be what the want to be right. can i live with that? can you live with that?
i am not the most wonderful person in the world. i don't have the most adorable personality in the world. i can be a very kind hearted person. but i can be tired and bored and bad sometimes. i've got emotions, the good and bad ones. i got moods.. i am a human. i got all that. why can't you just understand that and take me as i am? why do i have to understand others so hard when they don't even try to understand me? why do i have to understand people who don't respect me? is this what you call selfish? if so, you must grow up then.
Originally written on June 08, 2007
That's what happening in my life now.. responsibility really sucks. growing up sucks too.. especially when nobody appreciates it. I don't know why people can be so mean and careless by saying that you have to do something more and more when you already bleed yourself dry. you already push yourself to the limit and they don't even see it. it really is hard to keep up to everybody else's standards. i'm not them and they're not me. i am me. but i live with them, i deal with them, so i have to fulfill the image they have towards me. it's so fucking hard. almost impossible actually. why can't i be just me and people make peace with that and take me as i am? why can't i be just like that?
the situation now is, i feel like i took all the responsibilities for everything. for the situation happening in my life nowadays (which is really suck to the core), everything that happen in the fucking office, and also in the family. i already got full responsibility of my life but why do i have to be the one who's responsible for all these shits? i can never be "me" and right. i have to be what the want to be right. can i live with that? can you live with that?
i am not the most wonderful person in the world. i don't have the most adorable personality in the world. i can be a very kind hearted person. but i can be tired and bored and bad sometimes. i've got emotions, the good and bad ones. i got moods.. i am a human. i got all that. why can't you just understand that and take me as i am? why do i have to understand others so hard when they don't even try to understand me? why do i have to understand people who don't respect me? is this what you call selfish? if so, you must grow up then.
Originally written on June 08, 2007
Diary of a Runaway Spoiled Princess (Part 6)
Finally, i am about to begin my life here in bali. It's not like i didn't live here since last year. it's just that now, i will get my own place that i like and also the job that i also like, the one with good money. Hopefullly, God will make my way easier from now on.. I must say that I am so excited with all new things that happen in my life. It may not be huge, but it's still a difference, and that excites me most. I am going to have full responsibility of my life. I am not going to be dependent again towards my parents. And I can stay in my own room, hahaha.. I am so exciting to decorate my new room.. Can't hardly wait to make it just as breath-taking as I am, hahaha.. well, your room reflects the owner, right? =P
I think that's all for now.. I don't know any other thing to write besides I'm getting so fuckin' nervous about turning 25. Oo, Help me God, the clock's ticking!!
Originally written on May 21, 2007
I think that's all for now.. I don't know any other thing to write besides I'm getting so fuckin' nervous about turning 25. Oo, Help me God, the clock's ticking!!
Originally written on May 21, 2007
Diary of a Runaway spoiled Princess (Part 5)
Aku bosan.
Bosan dimarahi terus2an sama bos. Kesannya kayak kerjaan ku ga ada yang bener. Berulang kali dia bilang kalo kinerja ku bagus, bagus sekali malah. Dan dia juga sering bilang kalo aku terlalu berharga untuk ngerjain hal2 yang sepele. Dia selalu berulang kali mengatakan kalo potensiku sangat besar untuk nantinya mendapat tanggung jawab yang lebih besar pula. Tapi apa?? Mungkin semakin lama tanggung jawab yang diberikan semakin besar. Kewajibanku semakin banyak, tapi hak ku?? Mana?? Mana hak ku? Tidak ada kenaikan gaji sedikitpun. Ato perbaikan perilaku. Aku sebal. Sebal dengan bebalnya mereka. Aku benci. Aku merasa diperas. Aku bukan budak mu tau!! Aku manusia!! Sialan!
Hanya karena masalah kecil saja, kemarin aku kena marah. 3 kali!!! Bahkan yang terakhir kali, aku ditelpon dari kantor. Padahal saat itu aku sudah nyaman di kos. Masalahnya adalah, aku belum mencoret papan pemberitahuan di belakang. FOR GOD SAKE!! Kalo aku memang terlalu berharga untuk melakukan hal remeh temeh, kenapa untuk hal sekecil itu saja aku dimarahi?? Non sense gitu lho.. bull shit! Aku bete sekali.
Rasanya semuanya jadi membabi buta. Mereka berdua membabi buta menyuruhku melakukan semuanya. Kerjaan ku ga jelas. Bahkan posisiku juga ga jelas!! Ngurusin administrasi, iya. Ngurusin marketing, iya. Jadi Graphic designer, iya. Jadi assisten, iya juga. Bayangin aja ricuhnya kayak apa. Semua2nya jadi urusanku. Siapa yang ga jengkel coba? Gaji ga mencukupi, kerja keras ngalah2in sapi! Mana kalo make internet pake sembunyi2 dulu (termasuk sekarang!!). susahnya…
Aku mo pindah kerja aja! Capek. I’m way too fucked up..
Help me God!
Originally written on May 09, 2007
Bosan dimarahi terus2an sama bos. Kesannya kayak kerjaan ku ga ada yang bener. Berulang kali dia bilang kalo kinerja ku bagus, bagus sekali malah. Dan dia juga sering bilang kalo aku terlalu berharga untuk ngerjain hal2 yang sepele. Dia selalu berulang kali mengatakan kalo potensiku sangat besar untuk nantinya mendapat tanggung jawab yang lebih besar pula. Tapi apa?? Mungkin semakin lama tanggung jawab yang diberikan semakin besar. Kewajibanku semakin banyak, tapi hak ku?? Mana?? Mana hak ku? Tidak ada kenaikan gaji sedikitpun. Ato perbaikan perilaku. Aku sebal. Sebal dengan bebalnya mereka. Aku benci. Aku merasa diperas. Aku bukan budak mu tau!! Aku manusia!! Sialan!
Hanya karena masalah kecil saja, kemarin aku kena marah. 3 kali!!! Bahkan yang terakhir kali, aku ditelpon dari kantor. Padahal saat itu aku sudah nyaman di kos. Masalahnya adalah, aku belum mencoret papan pemberitahuan di belakang. FOR GOD SAKE!! Kalo aku memang terlalu berharga untuk melakukan hal remeh temeh, kenapa untuk hal sekecil itu saja aku dimarahi?? Non sense gitu lho.. bull shit! Aku bete sekali.
Rasanya semuanya jadi membabi buta. Mereka berdua membabi buta menyuruhku melakukan semuanya. Kerjaan ku ga jelas. Bahkan posisiku juga ga jelas!! Ngurusin administrasi, iya. Ngurusin marketing, iya. Jadi Graphic designer, iya. Jadi assisten, iya juga. Bayangin aja ricuhnya kayak apa. Semua2nya jadi urusanku. Siapa yang ga jengkel coba? Gaji ga mencukupi, kerja keras ngalah2in sapi! Mana kalo make internet pake sembunyi2 dulu (termasuk sekarang!!). susahnya…
Aku mo pindah kerja aja! Capek. I’m way too fucked up..
Help me God!
Originally written on May 09, 2007
Diary of a runaway spoiled princess (part 4)
Hari ini membosankan. Tidak ada kerjaan di kantor, tidak ada boss, tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan. but thank GOD my sista just call me a couple of minutes ago and we had a chat. it was a lovely surprise.. ooo, i miss her so.. i miss all my friends in Surabaya too.. too bad i cant go home at the end of this month to visit my friend's wedding (gosh! why is everybody getting married?? is it time already?? Damn..). i just stuck here in Bali with all of my problems.. shit. well, i don't have that much problems here actually, well at least not as much as i used to have when i was still in Surabaya. anyway, aku lagi bingung karena bulan ini, there're so many things that i have to do. aku mesti pindah kos, karena kos lama ku terlalu jauh, mahal dan sepi (maksudnya, aku ga ada temen yang lives in the same building), and i have to save some money to fix my car (my friend had an accident when she drove it three days ago, some idiot hit my car and left. what a stupid chinese asshole!!), dan aku belum dapet seluruh gajiku sekarang. i was going to ask for a raise but i still don't have the gut to do it. hhhhh... bisa ga ya aku ngomong ke mereka? what if they say no? should i find another job? can i find another job? hhh.. dunno.. it's a bit terrifying really..
anyway, me and my friends are going to have tarot night tomorrow.. yay!! i'm really excited about that. wonder what will appear on my cards... mmmm.. i'll let you know later.
Originally written on May 01, 2007
anyway, me and my friends are going to have tarot night tomorrow.. yay!! i'm really excited about that. wonder what will appear on my cards... mmmm.. i'll let you know later.
Originally written on May 01, 2007
Diary of a runaway spoiled princess (part 3)
I had a great time last nite. Something that rarely happen in my life lately. I went out with my gals, vina and fia on our motorbike. So there we were, just the three of us. Fia and Vina in Fia’s motorbike and I’m driving Vina’s motorbike by myself. Just driving around in Kuta-seminyak-oberoi-kuta. We didn’t even wear helmets because Fia said that she doesn’t look good in helmet, hahaha… as for me, I just wanted to feel the sea breeze through my hair... Actually we went out because I need to go fix my sandals (my own brand!! Hihihihi..) while Vina and Fia wanted to have nice and cheap dinner (tanggal tua neh… kagak ada duit lagi). So last nite, after we went to the shoe shop, we had dinner in Warung Indonesia, it was a quite nice little place in the heart of poppies lane (I never knew there’re so many interesting places down the poppies lane until last nite!) with great view (many cute looking ‘bule’ guys, hahahahaha….).
We stayed there for a couple of minutes, just enjoy the scenery (!!!) and have small talks and some smoke. It felt nice to be surrounded by your sistas.. anyway, we decided to go to the beach that nite. Our first intention was just sitting on the sand, make noises so we will disturb every couple that was there last night. But it turned out that it was us who got disturbed. I think it wasn’t until 5 minutes from the first time we sat on the sand, when an Indian (no, he said he was Punjabi… Whatever!) guy came across us, and sit behind us and doesn’t stop talking eversince, hahahahaha… first of all, he asked how old we are (now, that is very RUDE to ask a lady-or maybe in this case, three ladies-how old she is when you just met her), and then he asked our names. We didn’t give our real names because we’re not that stupid, hahahaha.. so I pretend to be _Sara_ (after Sarah Sechan of course… not Sarah Azhari!!) but Fia and Vina couldn’t find a name so they pretend to be _Vina and Mella_ Ridiculous!! Hahahahaha.. it was quite funny though.. after a while, Suki’s (the Punjabi guy’s name) friends came. It was 4 of them (5 with him) and none of them is good looking, hiks.. hiks.. hiks.. one of them even small bad, not real bad but bad enough, hehahaha…. Thank God I did’t sit next to the smelly guy, Fia did, hahahaha… The one guy sitting next to me ( I didn’t catch his name) was quite polite and fun to talk with actually. So there we were, three fabulous Indonesian girls (hahahaha!!!!) surrounded by five--standard almost bad looking and smelly too—Punjabi guys.. (hehehe). It wasn’t really bad though.. even Vina (formerly known as Fia) exchanged Indian songs with the guy sitting next to me. And Suki kept on trying to get Mella’s (formerly known as Vina) cell number. He even said that she looks like the queen of heaven!!! (I think she looks more like the queen of hell, hahahahaha… kidding! While Fia said that Vina owns the ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ hahahaha… just like in the movie) Thank God she didn’t give it to him. After a while, we decided to go to Ku De Ta. Thank God she didn’t give it to him. After a while, we decided to go to Ku De Ta. Not the restaurant, but the beach. We pass through small lanes to go there. It was really good. I mean, the lanes were quiet and you could feel the wind blows slowly and the cool air hold you tight as if it was your blanket, and Bali has always been surrounded by this mystique sensation. It was a perfect blend.
Anyway, when we got to Ku De Ta beach, Fia had this idea: to ride our motorbikes along the beach.. I thought it was crazy. I was afraid that someone might caught us but Fia and Vina convinced me that everything will be fine. They also said that people do that often. I didn’t buy it but I came along with them too… well, I’m glad I came along ‘cos it felt really good.. we were singing along the beach—just like crazy. We sounded crazy. Hahahaha.. but it was really fun. We took pictures too with lamps from beach front restaurants along seminyak-kuta beach as the background. They were FA-BU-LOUS!!! And then suddenly, a head lamp was lit ahead us. It was a really bright one. I almost felt dizzy because of that freakin’ lamp. It turned out to be the beach police. HA HA HA HA HA… see… I knew something bad will happen it came out true.. but Fia and Vina are true liars and they get us off with their big white lies talks, hehehehehe… afterwards, we drive home laughing… All the way to our boarding house…
what a great great grrr8tt nite!!! i luv ya, gals...
Originally written on April 24, 2007
We stayed there for a couple of minutes, just enjoy the scenery (!!!) and have small talks and some smoke. It felt nice to be surrounded by your sistas.. anyway, we decided to go to the beach that nite. Our first intention was just sitting on the sand, make noises so we will disturb every couple that was there last night. But it turned out that it was us who got disturbed. I think it wasn’t until 5 minutes from the first time we sat on the sand, when an Indian (no, he said he was Punjabi… Whatever!) guy came across us, and sit behind us and doesn’t stop talking eversince, hahahahaha… first of all, he asked how old we are (now, that is very RUDE to ask a lady-or maybe in this case, three ladies-how old she is when you just met her), and then he asked our names. We didn’t give our real names because we’re not that stupid, hahahaha.. so I pretend to be _Sara_ (after Sarah Sechan of course… not Sarah Azhari!!) but Fia and Vina couldn’t find a name so they pretend to be _Vina and Mella_ Ridiculous!! Hahahahaha.. it was quite funny though.. after a while, Suki’s (the Punjabi guy’s name) friends came. It was 4 of them (5 with him) and none of them is good looking, hiks.. hiks.. hiks.. one of them even small bad, not real bad but bad enough, hehahaha…. Thank God I did’t sit next to the smelly guy, Fia did, hahahaha… The one guy sitting next to me ( I didn’t catch his name) was quite polite and fun to talk with actually. So there we were, three fabulous Indonesian girls (hahahaha!!!!) surrounded by five--standard almost bad looking and smelly too—Punjabi guys.. (hehehe). It wasn’t really bad though.. even Vina (formerly known as Fia) exchanged Indian songs with the guy sitting next to me. And Suki kept on trying to get Mella’s (formerly known as Vina) cell number. He even said that she looks like the queen of heaven!!! (I think she looks more like the queen of hell, hahahahaha… kidding! While Fia said that Vina owns the ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ hahahaha… just like in the movie) Thank God she didn’t give it to him. After a while, we decided to go to Ku De Ta. Thank God she didn’t give it to him. After a while, we decided to go to Ku De Ta. Not the restaurant, but the beach. We pass through small lanes to go there. It was really good. I mean, the lanes were quiet and you could feel the wind blows slowly and the cool air hold you tight as if it was your blanket, and Bali has always been surrounded by this mystique sensation. It was a perfect blend.
Anyway, when we got to Ku De Ta beach, Fia had this idea: to ride our motorbikes along the beach.. I thought it was crazy. I was afraid that someone might caught us but Fia and Vina convinced me that everything will be fine. They also said that people do that often. I didn’t buy it but I came along with them too… well, I’m glad I came along ‘cos it felt really good.. we were singing along the beach—just like crazy. We sounded crazy. Hahahaha.. but it was really fun. We took pictures too with lamps from beach front restaurants along seminyak-kuta beach as the background. They were FA-BU-LOUS!!! And then suddenly, a head lamp was lit ahead us. It was a really bright one. I almost felt dizzy because of that freakin’ lamp. It turned out to be the beach police. HA HA HA HA HA… see… I knew something bad will happen it came out true.. but Fia and Vina are true liars and they get us off with their big white lies talks, hehehehehe… afterwards, we drive home laughing… All the way to our boarding house…
what a great great grrr8tt nite!!! i luv ya, gals...
Originally written on April 24, 2007
Diary of a Spoiled Runaway Princess (part 2)
Aku pusing.
What’s happening with my friends? Why everything have to be so complicated now? I find myself at work today without any energy to do anything. Everything seems terrible now.. pengen nangis.. Why am I having such a bad mood?
Hhhhhhhhh……. I don’t know what to do with my friends. I love them all and I don’t want anything to happen to our friendship but look what happen now.. it’s all messed up.
Jancok!
Originally written on April 22, 2007
What’s happening with my friends? Why everything have to be so complicated now? I find myself at work today without any energy to do anything. Everything seems terrible now.. pengen nangis.. Why am I having such a bad mood?
Hhhhhhhhh……. I don’t know what to do with my friends. I love them all and I don’t want anything to happen to our friendship but look what happen now.. it’s all messed up.
Jancok!
Originally written on April 22, 2007
Diary of a spoiled runaway princess.
It’s really early in the morning, just past midnite. I can’t sleep. I don’t know why. Though I feel so tired but I can’t seem to close my eyes and fly to my sweet dream. Damn it! those stupid german computer in the office really got me all fucked up with normal computer! It took me many stupid distractions just to write all this shit! I got the y and z all mixed up! And also the ‘ sign. Ah…. Shit. I swear a lot lately. I dunno why. I just got used to swearing. Sometimes it feels good to release all the anger in you but it doesn’t bring good effects on me. either way, I just can’t seem to stop it… well, that’s not the problem now..
I feel so tired lately. I’m tired of working in that office. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy working there. It’s just the hour and the tasks and the money that doesn’t suit me. I work almost 9 to 10 hours every fucking day, my job desk is not clear up to now ( I’ve been working for almost 3 months now) and I seem like doing everything. I am more like a slave to them than an employee. I can’t even afford my life with my wage now (with that money, I’m not having salary, it’s a wage!). I’m not satisfied with my job. Gotta find something new… I intend to find a new job.
Anyway.. I just feel like pouring all my heart out tonite. It’s really a rare occasion for me to just sit here, alone, at my goodfriend’s place, in front of my darling laptop and just type. Type everything that I want. I don’t give a shit if my English sucks. Hey, I’m not a god damn American or British who speaks English from the time they were born. So hell with it. God, I have so much anger in me. I wonder why….
Anyway… I watched 2 movies tonight. “Miss Potter” and “Two for the money”. Both of ‘em are good. At least it was good enough for me right now. Watching those movies made me think about what I’m looking for in this life.. as I feel quite empty now. It happens a lot lately, especially at night time, when I was about to sleep, sober, and got nothing to worry about (beside getting up early in the morning to go to that fucking office).. I need a companion. I need a sense of belonging. I need someone to always be there for me, to stay on my side and never love. I need someone who loves me for who I am. I need someone who cherishes me, who doesn’t take me for granted. I need all that. I am not complaining about my life right now. I got everything just fine. I have a lot of fun with my friends right now. I have a job. I have my own place. I’m practically single and happy. But there is a void inside. I can’t deny it. I need someone to love, to miss, to hug, to kiss.. What am I looking for in this life? What are you looking for, mella? Why do I always make things seem more complicated than they actually are? What a typical Gemini. I tend to push every aspect in my life. If I want something, I have to have it at that second. It is so me. Spoiled little princess. But I’m not a princess! I am just an ordinary girl, like every other girl. I never know how to be patient, how to earn something, how to work to get something. I never know that. Now that I learn that I have to do all that to get what I want, it turns out to be very very very very hard. It’s so hard that I almost give up. Almost. Thank God I’m still surviving till this very second. I’m still fighting now.. fighting to be patient. Learning to wait for everything to come at its time. It’s very hard and it’s killing me, but something I just learned taught me that it probably better to be killed by something or someone else than to commit suicide.. at least, when I’m finally die, I die trying… to survive. Don’t get confused with all that I’ve wrote down. I didn’t write it for you. I don’t need you to understand. I love you though.. Have a good nite sleep everyone… Sweet dreams..
originally written on: April 22, 2007
I feel so tired lately. I’m tired of working in that office. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy working there. It’s just the hour and the tasks and the money that doesn’t suit me. I work almost 9 to 10 hours every fucking day, my job desk is not clear up to now ( I’ve been working for almost 3 months now) and I seem like doing everything. I am more like a slave to them than an employee. I can’t even afford my life with my wage now (with that money, I’m not having salary, it’s a wage!). I’m not satisfied with my job. Gotta find something new… I intend to find a new job.
Anyway.. I just feel like pouring all my heart out tonite. It’s really a rare occasion for me to just sit here, alone, at my goodfriend’s place, in front of my darling laptop and just type. Type everything that I want. I don’t give a shit if my English sucks. Hey, I’m not a god damn American or British who speaks English from the time they were born. So hell with it. God, I have so much anger in me. I wonder why….
Anyway… I watched 2 movies tonight. “Miss Potter” and “Two for the money”. Both of ‘em are good. At least it was good enough for me right now. Watching those movies made me think about what I’m looking for in this life.. as I feel quite empty now. It happens a lot lately, especially at night time, when I was about to sleep, sober, and got nothing to worry about (beside getting up early in the morning to go to that fucking office).. I need a companion. I need a sense of belonging. I need someone to always be there for me, to stay on my side and never love. I need someone who loves me for who I am. I need someone who cherishes me, who doesn’t take me for granted. I need all that. I am not complaining about my life right now. I got everything just fine. I have a lot of fun with my friends right now. I have a job. I have my own place. I’m practically single and happy. But there is a void inside. I can’t deny it. I need someone to love, to miss, to hug, to kiss.. What am I looking for in this life? What are you looking for, mella? Why do I always make things seem more complicated than they actually are? What a typical Gemini. I tend to push every aspect in my life. If I want something, I have to have it at that second. It is so me. Spoiled little princess. But I’m not a princess! I am just an ordinary girl, like every other girl. I never know how to be patient, how to earn something, how to work to get something. I never know that. Now that I learn that I have to do all that to get what I want, it turns out to be very very very very hard. It’s so hard that I almost give up. Almost. Thank God I’m still surviving till this very second. I’m still fighting now.. fighting to be patient. Learning to wait for everything to come at its time. It’s very hard and it’s killing me, but something I just learned taught me that it probably better to be killed by something or someone else than to commit suicide.. at least, when I’m finally die, I die trying… to survive. Don’t get confused with all that I’ve wrote down. I didn’t write it for you. I don’t need you to understand. I love you though.. Have a good nite sleep everyone… Sweet dreams..
originally written on: April 22, 2007
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